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What I’m about

It’s a bit of a journey to describe what I’m about

Maybe; a vagabond rogue, spitting English at French whores

“C’est la vie, c’est la vie!” Yeah, no doubt

I never questioned their open-easy leg-doors

Maybe a punk, high off his latest acid trip

Could misapprehend the difference between love and sex

Better than I ever could but

Not like it matters because those people to me; well they’re just

Objects sown into one big fucking quilt 

With a million and-a-half little patches 

All profiles too, all smiling, with hints of pride or guilt

All latched on to each other

One big community 

And that’s another thing too I always believed in community 

I believed that a nigger and a racist could live in unity

I believed that a poor child always had opportunity 

I went to church and praised the Good Lord’s name

I confessed my sins to Man who helped wash away ever single sign of shame

Every last bit, shit, he was good at it, too

He told me “Son, The Good Lord loves you and always will”

And I never doubted that- I never questioned it because I wanted someone to love me so badly

But then I realized how could GOD love ME? A vagabond rogue, spitting English at French whores

And I just thought

About everything I always was taught ought to be but

Community, unity, a nigger and racist forgiving one another 

A child growing up in hate but learning to love

Evil being- Evil rotting away because there’s nothing for it to take hold of

And I felt my eyes being bathed in oil 

I felt my lungs breathing smoke for ten years in two days

And all at once it recoiled- all at once it hit me in the fucking face

That no one ever loved me and I wished that God did but God isn’t my mother and if she won’t hold me

No one will











d















This was on a comedy blog. But I actually considered killing myself after reading this.





Love is masochistic. These cries and complaints, these sweet alarms, this anguished state of lovers, this suspense, this latent pain that is just below the surface, and almost unexpressed, these thousand and one anxieties over the loved one's absence, this feeling of time rushing by, this touchiness, these fits of temper, these long daydreams, this childish fickleness of behavior, this moral torture where vanity and self esteem, or perhaps honor, upbringing and modesty are at stake, these highs and lows in the nervous tone, these leaps of the imagination, this fetishism, this cruel precision of the senses, whipping and probing, the collapse, the prostration, the abdication, the self-abasement, the perpetual loss and recovery of one's personality, these stammered words and phrases, these pet-names, this intimacy, these hesitations in physical contact, these epileptic tremors, these successive and ever more frequent relapses, this more and more turbulent and stormy passion with its ravages progressing to the point of the complete inhibition and annihilation of the soul, the debility of the senses, the exhaustion of the marrow, the erasure of the brain, and even the desiccation of the heart, this yearning for ruin, for destruction, for mutilation, this need of effusiveness, of adoration of mysticism, this insatiability which expresses itself in hyper-irritability of the mucous membranes, the errant taste, in vasomotor or peripheral disorders, and which conjures up jealousy and vengeance, crimes, prevarications and treacheries, this idolatry, this incurable melancholy, this apathy, this profound moral misery, this definitive and harrowing doubt, this despair - are not all of these stigmata the very symptoms of love in which we can first diagnose, then trace with a sure hand, the clinical curve of masochism?

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